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So guess what! I'm 5 kg less than last month. (^_^)v It's regrettable that I had to experience something horrible first before I finally force myself out of my sedentary lifestyle. Looking fit and being healthy are no longer "goals" I meant to complete off a list. This will be my life. This is my commitment to myself, "I love you and I'll take care of you."
I didn't think it was a problem for people to perceive me as weak or helpless because I don't want to have to defend myself. Do I even have to? Think whatever you want! I do admit that I struggle with a lot of things in my life, I have a lot of excess baggage, so many "feelings" and "realizations" that I can't get rid no matter how many times I get advice about it. But you know, I'm still alive despite carrying all that. My kind of strength isn't loud. I endure anything. And when I have to, I'm superwoman!
Sometimes though you have to correct other people's perception of you because it might cloud everything else that you're doing right. I wouldn't wish what I went through for any woman but every crisis has a silver lining. It felt like waking up from a deep slumber. It makes you focus on what needs to be fixed. It makes you realize what's important. My advice is to never doubt yourself. You are strong and wise. Act and talk with dignity. You will know what to do (I know right now you think you don't know what to do, the right thing will come to you when it's time). Pray for courage always. And lastly, choose to be happy. :)
Anyway...back to my weight. I still have a long way to go. I started running/jogging, going to the gym and swimming. My muscles are screaming for me to stop *lol* I need to pace it slowly. I really want to complete 1 continues lap around the UP oval but I can't seem to get past 3/4. I feel like dying after every run but I recently found out that it burns so little calories :/ Swimming burns more. *sigh* Oh well....
Slow and steady.
As for my diet, I joined MFP. I try to eat closer or a little over 1200 calories. I eat food that make me feel fuller. So I don't feel hungry despite the sudden increase in physical activity. I'm still planning my long-term diet. I love food and I don't want to have to completely avoid them for the rest of my life. So I'm trying to come up with an efficient system.
Slow and steady.
“And, when you can't go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
This past 4 weeks have stretched me to my limits. My comfortable world shattered but it didn't break me. I remained true to myself. I opened my heart to understand everything because it's the only way I can truly accept and get past them. I decided on understanding instead of anger and hate. I discovered that I am stronger than I thought I am. That I can make decisions I never knew I could.
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
To my online friends who have read my diary, thank you for supporting me. Your words meant so much to me because it made me feel that I'm not alone.
I learned that love and decisions go hand in hand. There are no guarantees in this world because we cannot dictate the actions of other people. We can only look within ourselves and decide when to fight and when to walk away. Whatever choice you make, you must always decide to be happy with that choice however difficult or painful it may be. Whatever happens, love yourself first. Become whole on your own.
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."